Track Of The Day

When the subject of sex was brought up yesterday this song was mentioned as a theme song for sexual activity.  I agree.  Freddie Mercury is the greatest front-man of all-time.  Fact.

* This selection comes to you compliments of Mr. Double M


Track Of The Day

Today’s selection for Track Of The Day will be based on one of the single greatest car sing-a-long moments I have ever experienced.  Years ago I was driving with a friend and this song came on the radio.  As a pretty big fan of Boston I recognized the song almost immediately and found the tune a relaxing accompaniment to the drive.  Unsure if my friend knew the song I still decided to leave the station right where it was.  Given this person’s reaction I am surprised he did not issue any cues that he knew the song.  Silence through the verse and when the chorus began he burst out singing almost as if to serenade me.  I was shocked, excited, impressed, and slightly weirded out all at once.  Fantastic.  So this one is for the Magic in all of us.

Track Of The Day

Well I decided to go ahead and start the “Track Of The Day” a little early.  Went back into the memory bank for this Shaggy jam.  This song basically put Shaggy on the musical map where he reserved a spot the size of Nauru for just a few years.  Not exactly the greatest song in the world but on a cold day it has a summer feel and I just felt like it was time for a 90’s flashback.  The 90’s were full of heavy impact singles like this one, and I love trying to remember all the ones I liked when they were popular.

Where is Shaggy now?  I don’t care so find out for yourself….

Upcoming Additions To The Blog

Starting next week I will have daily and weekly posts in an attempt to increase the regularity of new posts.  Every day I will feature a track of the day.  I would be lying if I said this wasn’t SEO or traffic related.  Anyways, the songs will always be chosen for a specific reason based on my moods or sometimes there are just really badass songs regardless of mood that will be worthy of noting for the day.  The songs posted will include a little description about why that song was posted and remember that there will be an eclectic mix of music.  These posts will be daily and along with that I have also added weekly posts for each day of the week.  The schedule will begin next week and will apply as follows:

Monday: Stat Line Of The Week (Sports)

Tuesday: Swelling Of The Week (Rant)
Wednesday:  Swolley Award (Will be explained in first weekly post)

Thursday: Hate For The Week

Friday: This Is Why We Are Fucked

Figured I would add some organization and continuity to the blog.  By no means is this a promise that there will be a constant flow of applicable or relevant information.  In fact it might even mean the contrary.  There might just be an oral defecation of words that essentially amount to nothing.  Either way I’m fine with it.  Just remember, if I have something nice to say its because I’m lying.

Bowl Season: BCS Game

Coming this Bowl Season:  The 2012 BCS Championship.  Most would think I’m referring to the Bowl Championship Series.  Not this time.  Get ready for the colossal match-up between powerhouse molesters Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine in the first ever Neverland Ranch sponsored BCS (Butt-raping Children Series) Championship game.  Both competitors have put together some astounding resumes that easily warrant prosecution and have managed to significantly damage the reputation of two extremely prestigious college sports programs.  Both have horribly creepy stories that leave the mind to only wonder how demented these 2 people actually are.  If I had to give the advantage to someone I will give it to Fine.  Sandusky seems to be alone in his quest for the ultimate accomplishment of being a child-rapist champion but Bernie Fine has the support of his wife.  Although Sandusky has this mysterious element to his case that he was possibly prostituting these boys out to other rich white sexual predators.  Could be a secret weapon.  Anyways,  Fine’s long time spouse has been aware of his molestations for years and not only that, she is quite a disgusting person as well.  After decades of Syracuse basketball players slamming Mrs. Fine, I’m sure sexual deviance is just as normal as taking a walk down the street.  Although judging from the looks of her I don’t she takes too many of those walks.

Attention People:  We are a pretty fucked up group.  The more we add people to this world, the more we will continue to see people like Sandusky and Fine.  The scary part is how dark and disturbed a lot of us are.  Clearly we all aren’t this fucked up but the line is thin between not crossing those social/criminal boundaries and falling victim to disgusting and socially/criminally unacceptable behaviors.  The worst part is the system in which these events have happened in.  The system promotes the idea that activities like the ones Fine and Sandusky were engaging in must be kept as discrete as possible.  The magnitude of the things these 2 men were doing make people go into a rage and start blaming everyone they can possibly assign some responsibility to.  Joe Paterno now has a giant gash in his legacy as a great football coach.  Yet now he has no job and will essentially go into exile until his death, which probably won’t be too far from now.  People like Joe Pa and Boeheim should not be held accountable for all these actions by two very disgusting people.  I agree that they probably could have stopped some of the offenses, and maybe less people would have been hurt but where are the parents in this whole things.  If they didn’t know anything was going on then they are bad parents.  If they did know something was going on and didn’t do enough to get these two sickos put in jail then they are just about the worst parents a kid can have.  We need to really start assigning a lot more responsibility to parents in this country.  Especially since most of them are terrible and the worst ones are having the most children.

At the end of the day those of us not involved with either or these horrible scandals can be happy that being “Sandusky’d” is officially becoming a phrase in the Urban Dictionary.  Sandusky’d: an event or occurrence of extreme, radical, violent, and/or comical rape.  If it were used in a sentence:  After icing their own kicker in the final seconds the Cowboys really Sandusky’d themselves.

Just Stop It

When the 2009-10 college football season came to a close I was excited knowing that it would be only months before I never had to listen to people talk about the religion-mongering terrible excuse for a quarter back that is Tim Tebow.  Unfortunately, due to interesting coaching decisions by a man that was fired by the Carolina Panthers…. Tim Tebow is the starting QB for the Denver Broncos and has been now for 6 games.  During this time span the team has gone 5-1, and of course Tebow lands most of the credit for this stretch of recent winning by the Broncos.  I guess we are just supposed to forget the fact that Tebow averages only 10 completions per game at staggering a 45.5% completion percentage.  If this is a man that deserves credit for barely winning games against mediocre teams at best, then I should go ahead and take credit for the NBA returning to action.  I did just recently pray [bullshit] for the season to start soon.  The Broncos are first in the NFL in rushing yards per game, they play in a shit division, and their defense has been playing great.  These are the reasons for the Broncos success (not Tim Tebow).  Well that and their schedule the last 6 games has been relatively light on the challenging side of things.  If anything, the Broncos success should tell you how important a good running game and defense are to having success in this league.

I’m just tired of this notion that the QB acquires wins.  Idiot Says: And well you can’t argue against Tebow, he’s 5-1″.  continues: “The job of a NFL QB is to win”.  I’m tired of that too.  The job of an NFL QB is to be an NFL QB.  Put his TEAM in the best position to win.  The job of the entire team is to win.  Not just one player.  I would even agree that QB is the most important poition on the football field but to say that a QB should only be judged by wins and losses is just ignorant (see Vince Young).  QB should be judged by his decision making ability and ability to make the offense run at the highest possible efficiency.  Its alarming how many people are actually believing in Tebow as an NFL QB.  Just goes to show me how little the common football fan actually knows about football.  Can we all just agree that this guy is awful at football and should be in line to be the next Joel Osteen.

AD Anyone?

After what seems to have been a lifetime, the cast members of Arrested Development have finally confirmed production of a movie and one final season of the greatest television show that ever existed.  This past Sunday, the cast and creator Mitch Hurwitz were at the New Yorker festival when they announced that the Arrested Development story would contain at least a few more chapters.  Although I wish the show could have continued its original run I will take what I can get. 

However, it is hard to predict whether or not the cast and writers can create the same magic as before.  It has been 5 years since the show aired on FOX and the Arrested Development camp is saying that the target release date will be sometime in 2013.  Cast members have obviously gotten older and the 2 kids of the show (Maeby and George Michael) are now well in to adulthood.  Although we have not seen much of Alia Shawkat (Maeby) since the show went of the air,  Michael Cera (George Michael) can attribute most of his success to this show.  AD gave Cera an acting identity and that eventually gave way to his breakout role in Superbad.

Over the next year and a half there will be a lot of hype about the new season and the movie.  To those of us who have paid attention to Arrested Development rumors for the last 5 years this will be business as usual.  The recent announcement gives me hope because this one seems official.

Mitch Hurwitz has said that the final season will be about 10 episodes and will focus primarily on one character in each episode.  The culmination of these episodes will of course be the movie when all the stories come back together for a Bluth family reunion!  A deal is currently being worked with Showtime and Netflix for those 10 or so episodes.  If you are one of the poor souls that has never had the chance to enjoy Arrested Development then I will leave you with a clip for your viewing pleasure.  If you have seen the show and dont like it… Well just don’t admit that out loud because it will only indicate that you clearly have a vacant space bewtween your ears.


I think it is time that we all just came to grips with reality on a topic that is central to any American’s core group of values and ideals.  We can start this journey to a happy reality by answering a question that I think we’ve all heard many times in our life and exponentially more since Nick Swardson’s stand-up special.  The question of course is: Seriously, who farted?  The blockbuster answer to this legendary query is John Goodman.  This information must be shocking to some, morbid to others, and simply irrelevant to most.  Its my belief that John Goodman has been stuffing himself with pine flavored twinkies and  amazingly marketing the smell from his very own flatulence .  Sounds gross but even more surprising is how popular this aroma is around the country.  Although it remains popular in only a few demographics, this scent has been used for years by many who were actually looking to improve their scent.  Companies around the country  sell this “scent” under the name Patchouli.  The people profiled as Patchouli “users” are normally males and females from 17-34, long dirty hair, pants that look like they were made from bed sheets, wearing a baja, smells of bad pot (or worse), and shirts that make you wonder where someone would even purchase such a thing.

Reality check.  Clearly everything I just said is BS …..  Well maybe not the profile part….  Or the pretty accurate description of what Patchouli smells like to people with working noses.  Patchouli is actually just a plant.  Like a lot of plant species Patchouli has an aroma.  The scent is powerful and has been used in several different ways throughout history including perfumes.  One of the other uses is insect repellant.  Most insects are attracted to sweet smells (Like most perfumes), so Patchouli offers a vile smell with a rare combination of uninterest and nothing to offer.  Let us all just come to terms with the truth here.  Patchouli smells terrible and cannot honestly be a desirable smell to any fully functional nose/person.  And if you truly believe you are improving your scent then I can’t imagine what you must smell like to encourage such behavior.

Chapter One: WTF?

Recently I have made the decision to start my own blog despite the fact that I spend many hours of my week writing professionally for a website .  I have decided that I can no longer site idly by without commentary on things that are noticeably unacceptable.  During the first regular season game of the NFL season, NBC aired a trailer for a new Hugh Jackman movie titled “Real Steel”.

For starters the movie’s title displays an impressive lack of creativity, but that is nothing compared to the content of this futuristic boxing movie.  While watching the preview I assumed that it was some sort of joke and the movie trailer presentation was meant as a misdirection for something else.  As the trailer continued I realized, sadly, that it was an actual movie with an actual star trying to actually pretend that it might pose as some sort of blockbuster.  But OH!!.. Its in 3D!  Well that ought to make up for every other shitty element I saw in the preview.  Only problem is that is impossible.  Not even a collection of the best screen writers and directors could turn this abomination into anything remotely tolerable.  So this is where we have come to on the movie front in American.  Well, its not just movies.  Music and TV are also included in this group of upsetting media and entertainment.  We just come up with a formula for a movie, song, show, or whatever, and plug in the pieces as if it was color by the numbers.

After years of using this formula the entertainment industry has deteriorated to a point where good movies are made once every… who knows at this point.  The gap between good movies is constantly growing.  There are so many bad movies being made its incredible.  We used to at least get a few serviceable movies a year.  Ones that weren’t great but were at least tolerable, and weren’t so bad that I became so fed up that I created a blog.  If it gets any worse then you will probably hear about me on the news committing some heinous act(s).  I literally can’t even consider going to theater to see a movie anymore.   Movies are ridiculously priced and terrible.  The only movies being made now are shitty remakes, boring love stories, comic book movies, visually appealing 3D movies, and horrors movies that feature the same stories and plot that 50 others before it have done (sometimes they even combine some of the categories into a synergistic avalanche of shit).  It almost seems like a waste of time to give any new movie a chance.

I’m currently 26 and since 2007 I’ve been to the theater  twice.  I often refuse to see new movies just out of fear of wasting my time, and given my life habits I’m not sure how much time I have left.  You might say, well how could I say they are bad if I don’t watch them? All you have to do look at the components and the content.  If you tell me there is a new candy bar made of elephant shit and hyena semen, I wouldn’t have to try it to tell you that it will taste like how Adam Richman’s (Man vs. Food) shits must smell.

The Beginning of Nothing Special

If I represented something important then this would be what we like to call a “Press Release”.  I suppose this could more accurately be called a “warning”.  Some time in the near future I will post my first blog for my new site “Swoll’ N Thoughts”.  If you enjoy good writing with interesting perspective then this blog will not be for you.  Instead this blog will simply display how little I actually know and contribute to this society.  If nothing else, this blog will lead the march on the attempt to assassinate American pop-culture.  Swoll is the name and a general hatred for most human behavior is the game.  Too many people walk around without one thought that George Bush would even consider coherent.  In this sad state of affairs that we call life, I only wish to offer basic awareness on how comical and interesting reality can be.